Thank you for another great and insightful article. I know this nasty woman too well (you really described her perfectly) but it helped me to stop becoming the same harpie and turn any criticism of my husband to praise for all the good and wonderful things he was.
I've left a comment under Janice Fiamengo's threads as well, although it could be left anywhere; we need more positive examples for women to look up to and to model themselves after. The (biological) mother can definitely play a role in this, but women also look up to other (successful/high status) women in society. Jada Pinkett Smith or Taylor Swift come to mind as bad examples, or a Miley Cyrus or Nicki Minaj. We have plenty of trainwrecks in the media (Housewives of Orange Country for example) that can influence women that still need to grow up (adult women included...), kind of like the magazines from back in the day. Ultimately you become like the people you surround yourself with, and back in the day that meant being physically surrounded by them, nowadays that can be done over social media or wherever the kids hangout nowadays.
The question is then, where are these "positive" female influences for younger women? Where are the popular influecencers/youtubers/live-streamers/whatever that talk about (basic) respect for men and allowing men to exist in their own space, and to teach women about the female space, about femininity, maybe even counter arguments to the horse shite from the feminists, e.g. pregnancy being equal to having your body hijacked by a foreign/alien being and now being chained or living some sort of caged, unfulfilling life at home taking care of those children?
I initially disagreed with Eric Kaufmann when he came on Dr. Peterson's podcast when he stated that women are agnostic to what sort of "political wind" is blowing and where it is coming from. He stated that women will follow the most popular public opinion and amplify it, because it creates the black hole effect where the more women are apart of a group, the more women *want* to be a member of that group, thus amplifying the growth and the (loud) opinion of the group. I disagreed initially as I am still in the process of making up my mind if women are devilishly selfish and will sacrifice anything and anyone in order to get what they want, or if they really are equally agnostic to objective really as they are to where this political wind is blowing from, where it came from, and where it is blowing women towards.
Time will tell if any of the above hypotheses are correct and if we will see any popular, positive female influences/influencers who spread a more positive, anti-feminist message.
In order to stay in an abusive relationship, there has to be a reward. That reward may be positive or negative but either way, the abused will find the gift of reward a more powerful incentive to stay than to leave.
Imagine a scenario where your son asks for your help - he has then outgrown the value of his reward, if he does not ask, he is then happy where he is.
A rational, intelligent person has the power to decide and as hard as it is, this is not your place to intervene.
Hi John, thank you for your comment! I’m not suggesting intervening. At the point of contempt and spite in a marriage like the one I describe the marriage is usually unsalvageable. My point was raising daughters with the integrity to withstand feminist attitudes.
Great article and love your publication name. A couple points I always seem to circle back to when I think about this topic.
1. We let (as usually happens) the top and bottom steer the narrative. The small minority who actually want to be in the c-suite speaks for the rest of us. The men who are truly abusive and not just1/2 of a highly dysfunctional relationship are used to make sweeping generalizations about the whole sex.
2. We need to acknowledge that while as women we won't overpower our husbands physically and that may always be a fear we DO have the power to completely lift up or tear down the men in our lives. I was guilty of this early in my marriage and it is a unique combination of humility and pride that helps one accept this responsibility. We will pretend we don't have any power if were not ready to accept responsibility for it.
3. Our lack of historical understanding or perspective lessens our empathy toward men. While again, the men at the top still have their careers, a huge chunk of the middle lost their meaning as manufacturing decreased. I think we still see this today in climate conversations where anti- coal expresses lottoe sympathy for the well-being of those in that profession. I wonder if the perspective would change if, for example, that industry was dominated by women?
Hi Sarah, thank you for your kind words. Your insights resonate deeply. I agree that the narrative often gets dominated by the extremes, overshadowing the experiences of the majority. I agree that the lack of historical perspective indeed limits our empathy towards men. The element of the abdication of responsibility on the part of women that you mention is also something we should add to the conversation. In the same vein, I think it's a shame women have unlearned what our kids fundamenally need and how to show them they are loved - i.e. with our presence. Your reflections add depth, and I appreciate you sharing them.
Well said Hannah, our hopes are very similar.
Thank you for another great and insightful article. I know this nasty woman too well (you really described her perfectly) but it helped me to stop becoming the same harpie and turn any criticism of my husband to praise for all the good and wonderful things he was.
I've left a comment under Janice Fiamengo's threads as well, although it could be left anywhere; we need more positive examples for women to look up to and to model themselves after. The (biological) mother can definitely play a role in this, but women also look up to other (successful/high status) women in society. Jada Pinkett Smith or Taylor Swift come to mind as bad examples, or a Miley Cyrus or Nicki Minaj. We have plenty of trainwrecks in the media (Housewives of Orange Country for example) that can influence women that still need to grow up (adult women included...), kind of like the magazines from back in the day. Ultimately you become like the people you surround yourself with, and back in the day that meant being physically surrounded by them, nowadays that can be done over social media or wherever the kids hangout nowadays.
The question is then, where are these "positive" female influences for younger women? Where are the popular influecencers/youtubers/live-streamers/whatever that talk about (basic) respect for men and allowing men to exist in their own space, and to teach women about the female space, about femininity, maybe even counter arguments to the horse shite from the feminists, e.g. pregnancy being equal to having your body hijacked by a foreign/alien being and now being chained or living some sort of caged, unfulfilling life at home taking care of those children?
I initially disagreed with Eric Kaufmann when he came on Dr. Peterson's podcast when he stated that women are agnostic to what sort of "political wind" is blowing and where it is coming from. He stated that women will follow the most popular public opinion and amplify it, because it creates the black hole effect where the more women are apart of a group, the more women *want* to be a member of that group, thus amplifying the growth and the (loud) opinion of the group. I disagreed initially as I am still in the process of making up my mind if women are devilishly selfish and will sacrifice anything and anyone in order to get what they want, or if they really are equally agnostic to objective really as they are to where this political wind is blowing from, where it came from, and where it is blowing women towards.
Time will tell if any of the above hypotheses are correct and if we will see any popular, positive female influences/influencers who spread a more positive, anti-feminist message.
In order to stay in an abusive relationship, there has to be a reward. That reward may be positive or negative but either way, the abused will find the gift of reward a more powerful incentive to stay than to leave.
Imagine a scenario where your son asks for your help - he has then outgrown the value of his reward, if he does not ask, he is then happy where he is.
A rational, intelligent person has the power to decide and as hard as it is, this is not your place to intervene.
Hi John, thank you for your comment! I’m not suggesting intervening. At the point of contempt and spite in a marriage like the one I describe the marriage is usually unsalvageable. My point was raising daughters with the integrity to withstand feminist attitudes.
Great article and love your publication name. A couple points I always seem to circle back to when I think about this topic.
1. We let (as usually happens) the top and bottom steer the narrative. The small minority who actually want to be in the c-suite speaks for the rest of us. The men who are truly abusive and not just1/2 of a highly dysfunctional relationship are used to make sweeping generalizations about the whole sex.
2. We need to acknowledge that while as women we won't overpower our husbands physically and that may always be a fear we DO have the power to completely lift up or tear down the men in our lives. I was guilty of this early in my marriage and it is a unique combination of humility and pride that helps one accept this responsibility. We will pretend we don't have any power if were not ready to accept responsibility for it.
3. Our lack of historical understanding or perspective lessens our empathy toward men. While again, the men at the top still have their careers, a huge chunk of the middle lost their meaning as manufacturing decreased. I think we still see this today in climate conversations where anti- coal expresses lottoe sympathy for the well-being of those in that profession. I wonder if the perspective would change if, for example, that industry was dominated by women?
Hi Sarah, thank you for your kind words. Your insights resonate deeply. I agree that the narrative often gets dominated by the extremes, overshadowing the experiences of the majority. I agree that the lack of historical perspective indeed limits our empathy towards men. The element of the abdication of responsibility on the part of women that you mention is also something we should add to the conversation. In the same vein, I think it's a shame women have unlearned what our kids fundamenally need and how to show them they are loved - i.e. with our presence. Your reflections add depth, and I appreciate you sharing them.