Advocating for Our Sons: A Stand Against Feminism

A Contribution to the International Gender Empathy Gap Day

On my imaginary placard as I march in the fictional parade for International Gender Empathy Gap Day—a concept born from my wishful thinking—it states my one wish for my sons, a bold and controversial wish that all mothers should share for their sons: A Purposeful Life with a Dedicated Wife.

Although there are objectively worse horror stories, the following scene is what haunts my nightmares. The tales of men being dragged through divorce courts, losing custody, or losing their lives to dangerous jobs or suicide are just infrequent enough to quell my motherly worries.

Instead, what truly terrifies me is the scenario that mirrors what I witness daily in life and in the clinic.

I am sitting at the table with my son, his wife, their kids and a few of their friends. The evening starts off pleasantly enough, with the usual small talk and laughter, but soon the atmosphere shifts.

As we settle into our seats, my daughter-in-law begins to speak, her words dripping with contempt. She ridicules my son with cutting remarks and sarcastic comments about his usefulness, all while the others laugh along. Each jibe feels like a dagger to my heart, and I can see the pain in my son's eyes. He tries to smile, to play along, but the hurt is evident. It is as if she finds pleasure in his humiliation, sacrificing his dignity for a fleeting moment of approval from her friends.

The conversation moves to the topic of work, and her tone doesn’t soften. She asserts that her office manager career, despite earning significantly less than my son's, is just as important. She dismisses any recognition of the fact that he carries the bulk of their financial responsibilities. When someone mentions the number of firings currently happening in my son’s line of work, she scoffs, unwilling to acknowledge that his professional commitments might be straining.

On the contrary, as he moves to serve himself another glass of wine (decidedly to assure he can manage to stay silent), she stops him with a spiteful laugh and reminds him he has the “night shift” with the kids. In that moment, I try to give him a look telling him he is not alone in his suffering, but since it’s a nightmare, he doesn’t meet my eyes. The woman he married is unrecognizable. It is as if her pursuit of subjectively perceived fairness has stripped away the little sense she had of reason and empathy.

The scene comes to a head when one of the kids starts misbehaving, pushing the metaphorical glass towards the edge of the table. My son gets up to scold and enforce boundaries, his intent clear and his instincts, as always, good. He tries hard to follow these instincts in his parenting duties. Predictably, his wife sharply tells him to sit back down, adding that he shouldn't be surprised at the boy’s aggressive behaviour, given how he has modelled it himself.

It feels like I can’t breathe, the room feels colder, the laughter hollower, and a sense of helplessness wash over me as I watch my son endure this public degradation. This is not the life I had envisioned for him. The woman he married, who should have been his partner and support, has become his constant adversary. The relentless quest for equality has turned into a battleground where respect and appreciation are casualties.

When I wake, I pray I can help him avoid such contempt and disdain, but instead, find a woman worthy of his sacrifices.

Reflecting on this nightmare, I realize it highlights a broader societal issue related to the damages of feminism. So much of male suffering is caused by female behaviour shaped by feminism. The empathy gap doesn't concern me as much because it is inherent. Trying to remove it by force only ends up infantilizing men, as we often see in psychotherapy and in attempts to diagnose and medicate normal behaviour in male children. What truly troubles me is that women have taken away men's purpose, the unique contribution they provide.

Part of this contribution used to be that men stood guard in front of the cave door while women laboured within. Now, women grab the baton, saying, "Stand aside, I can do this as well." They take on a chunk of the role of provider while retaining their position as “mom” (regardless of the time actually spent at home with the kids). Left there, stripped of authority and position, is the husband, reduced to the disrespected loser.

Men have stepped aside for them, despite continued accusations of oppression and power, because most men will always want to be appreciated by the woman in their life. Those who don’t, should, as the alternative is detrimental to their mental health. The healthiest men I’ve encountered want nothing more than to be depended upon, enabling women to make the unique sacrifices that only their bodies can make. They don’t mourn the difference in empathy, as it’s made up for by the appreciation and respect they recieve as the ones who make those sacrifices possible.

There are no marches for men to take part in today, but I pledge that I will raise my daughter to understand that there is a fulfilled and empowered life to be found in caring for and being dependent on a man. The best strategy to address the damages caused by feminism and, by extension, ease the suffering of men, is to encourage women to take the risk of being vulnerable. I don’t believe we should fix the empathy gap, but I believe we can make women worthier of it.