9 Comments
Aug 7Liked by Tom Golden, Hannah Spier, MD

This is fascinating, thank you!

Expand full comment
Aug 9Liked by Tom Golden, Hannah Spier, MD

Tom Golden is great man.

Expand full comment
author

Thank you Alan for such a generous comment!

Expand full comment
Aug 10·edited Aug 10

Hi Tom, I really meant what I said. You really should get more recognition then you do. I find your views on relationships fascinating, and when applied to my own failed marriage I can somewhat understand why I felt trapped and disenfranchised. Even 15+ years after my divorce, my X can still find ways to emasculate me. I realised now that there was no way to appease her.

Married, I thought for the long haul.

I built what was to be our house;

One acre block

300m squared, 2.4m verandahs all the way round, 4 very large bedrooms and 2.8x3.2 study

Large 2 car garage, 12x4.2m shed.

Designed the house and drafted the plans

Laid out and dug the footings for the grano workers

I cut the glass and manufactured the windows and doors on site

Drove nearly every nail, erected the wall frames, veranda posts, roof structure and fitted the windows

Fitted the roof and all the down pipes

Fitted 91.4 square meters of light coloured timber pitched ceilings in the open living room/dining/kitchen

Hand fitted herringbone parquetry floors (with Jarrah wood patterned inlay) throughout 240m squared

Plastered (dry wall) and painted every wall and ceiling

Laid all the tiles (with brass patterned inlay)

Fitted Dolby surround sound cabling in the walls, for later sound system

Fitted a CAT 5e network thought house for internet in living room in every bedroom and study

Did all the second fixing (hang the doors, fitted all the wardrobes, skirting boards, architraves, chair rails)

Fitted the slow combustion wood fire with forced fan ducting

Planted the gardens/lawn and fitted the reticulation

Did this while was working full time, in the evenings using lights till 1AM in the morning and almost every weekend

Took me 3 years, sometimes with the help of my brother and father on the weekends.

Thought it was worth it as I only had to borrow $37k from the bank

It was not finish before she moved in while I was at work because she was getting impatient.

Years of being primary carer for the children.

Years study to improve myself

My wife was cold and critical of me nearly all the time.

I only hang around for the kids, but that ended one day when she handed me a piece of paper with some $ amounts on it.

And then said you can tell me where your going to be living when I (she) gets back in two weeks.

I asked her why, she said "I don't love you and probably never did".

My ex lives there now with her boyfriend, because she was and I quote "not happy" 23 years in and with two children.

I had to borrow 260k from the bank at the age of 52 and start again

I will never marry or have long term relationship ship again.

But I take some solace that my two children love me and are very stable and successful women.

Expand full comment
Aug 9Liked by Tom Golden

I want to find out what Joshua did with his men after battle before they were allowed to return to the community. I know of ritual bathing. perhaps like building a sweat lodge or something of the sort. When my father died when I was "protected by my mom to the extent I wasn't allowed to attend hi funeral, only allowed to the funeral home viewing. To this day I don't like the smell of the kinds of flowers that filled the room. Seeing him lying in the casket I couldn't sleep on my back for years or I had nightmares of lying in a casket. Over protection marked my youth only lifting weights and developing real strength and having a few mentors as I grew older helped me.

Expand full comment
author

I'm glad you enjoyed the episode! As far as I know, after battles, Joshua and his men followed specific rituals to ensure that the soldiers were fully purified and spiritually prepared to rejoin the community. This often involved as you metnioned, ritual bathing, known as a mikveh, to cleanse themselves from the impurities of battle. They also observed a period of separation and would have to offer sacrifices to atone for the violence they had encountered. The sacrificial process was hard work, requiring both physical effort and they had to adhere precisely to the laws conencted to the sacrifice. Rituals related to mourning and funeral preparation in Judaism include the Taharah, where the deceased is washed and purified, the Shmirah, where someone guards the body until burial, the mourning, preparing tbe Shiva - a seven-day period where you sit on the floor in mourning while friends and family gather to offer support, performing acts of Tzedakah (charity) in the deceased's honor. This aligns with what Tom said about honoring. These ritauls all requre alot of preparation, coordination and thought to be performed in the correct manner, which is helpful when in grief. I hope this was what you were after, my condolences for losing your father at such a young age. Hannah

Expand full comment
author

Fascinating Hannah, thank you.

Expand full comment
author

We knew so little about mourning and children 50 years ago and did the now unthinkable of excluding them from rituals for their protection. Sounds like you are doing some good work now in letting that stuff go.

Expand full comment

Good job interviewing Tom Goldman

Expand full comment